Home alone

Two almost-whole days, an evening and night to myself!

This doesn't often happen to me. Its much more common for M. to be left at home whilst LG and I visit elsewhere.

All of my family - except me - will be visiting my parents this weekend. I have a cold and can't risk passing on infection to my mother. So I'm staying home. Alone.

With such mixed feelings.

I know my mother (and father, of course) will miss me. Not because I'm particularly special, but because we are all special to them, anyone missing would leave a gap. I will want to be there tomorrow, when the whole family gathers. Having a good time and being together and inevitably wondering if this will be the last time.

After a few weeks of increased pain and problems, my mother is a bit better now after changes to her meds. So after a growing dread that this was the beginning of the very end, she is now back a bit more on the side of the living. Not quite on level ground, but she's not speeding too fast down the hill away from us just yet.

But I will also be so glad of the time here alone. Cherishing the silence, the lack of demand, expectation, reaction, effort.


It will be strange.