Sunday, March 11, 2007

Night light



The light from the street light outside our house comes in through Victorian stained glass in the stonework over the porch outside, before being refracted through the rather nasty probably 60's-ish patterned glass over the front door itself.

I took this a couple of weeks ago, on my way downstairs to make the morning cuppa. Even when I don't have to get up too early for work, LG has to be out to school by 7.30, so we see lots of dark mornings in the winter.

I'd been thinking that I might not see this comforting sight for some time, now the mornings are light.

For the last 2 nights, however, I've woken at 3 or 4am, and had to read, make drinks etc., in a prolonged effort to get back to sleep. I'm managing not to panic so far. Having suffered from serious insomnia for quite a long while, about a year ago, the thought is always there.... "here I go again".

It truly is the hour of the wolf [though I don't think wolves at all deserve to have their name used in such a negative way] - when my mind goes into overload in relation to issues at work {significant change on the way, may actually be good in the end, but stressful and diplomatically tricky in the meantime} - relationship issues [stalled, rut-like (no, not rutting) {I should be so lucky}] - and above all, my mother, whose remission was like a brief, wonderful holiday, but now we are back to reality. Back but not home.

I'm hoping not to be returning to the lettuce and bananas at midnight.... I could so do without this now. I've been planning to see the doctor about giving up the prozac, but maybe that would be hasty.....

I'm tired, and to be honest, struggling rather at the moment.

14 comments:

Pod said...

oh no!! fear not little letty. there are many hands to hold. i shall email you very soon. take deep breaths
x

Wendz said...

Oh Bum! Not lettuce & bananas again...no no no...

It is hard, I know...just hold on a little longer til this cloud passes...

xxx

Steve said...

Does it help to read, or do something to occupy your mind? (Like blogging, I suppose!) I find that when I wake up in the middle of the night and my problems seem huge, it helps to just focus on something, because the problems almost never seem unmanageable in the morning. (Why is it that everything seems magnified at 3 a.m.??)

natural attrill said...

But Lettuce there is a lovely light there, in the middle of the blackness, with beautiful colours.
Penny.
xx

grumpy old woman said...

Poor you!

I do what Steve suggests and read when I can't sleep, as that blanks out everything else and doesn't allow me to think worrying thoughts.

When my eyes get too heavy I just drop the book and zzzzzzzzz
but if that doesn't work, then I retrieve the book and start again .....

The early hours of the morning can feel very lonely, can't they? It feels like the rest of the world is asleep and only you are awake ...

PG said...

Lettuce, you poor old thing, I have nothing helpful to suggest but sending you hugs.
(I have the radio on very very quietly if I can't sleep, it gives me something to listen to and takes my mind off those over magnified problems.)

Ex-Shammickite said...

Let that light shine brighter... and I hope it will calm your nerves and let you relax... too many things going on in your brain... just look at the light and relax...

ramblingwoman said...

all this advice...do some deep relaxational breathing in bed with eyes shut and focus on something in your head (like a flower)

xxxxx

lettuce said...

thanks to all you lovely people for the sleep advice... sleep at least (tho not other things) is better now.

Reya Mellicker said...

I hate it when I'm enduring a bout of insomnia. But remember, whatever comes into your mind at the Hour of the Wolf must be completely dismissed because when you're lying in bed, you are in a passive position. It is a yoga of vulnerability. My counselor passed on this bit to me, suggesting that when my mind begins to reel on and on, I should sit up straight, suck in my belly and put my shoulders back like a soldier. It may not change exactly WHAT I'm thinking, but it definitely changes the WAY I think about it.

Wish there really was an easy answer to insomnia. Sending lots of good energy in your direction!

Joyce said...

have you tried melatonin? a natural product that you can purchase in any drugstore. (at least here).
Oh, and probably not a good time to give up the prozac!

sorry you're having a rough go just now. And sorry about your mom as well.

God bless.

Dizzy said...

Dear Letty,

I am so sorry to hear you sound so down, but glad that the sleep has started to improve.

Sesame oil rubbed into the soles of your feet before you go to bed is good (not sure about toasted sesame oil though). Also listening / meditating on your breath can help. Don't change the breath, just listen to it, coming in and going out. Some say breathe in all that is good and breathe out all that is bad.

I am thinking of you.
XXX

Donna said...

Oh sweet Letty I had no idea you felt like this. I hope things improve for you soon. I only suffer from insomnia when in the latter stages of pregnancy. I hated it, it was a lonely time and I felt as though I were the only person awake in all the world!

This time will pass.
Hugs and kisses xxx

Bird said...

oh, i know the dread of insomnia, having once suffered it horribly until, for no explicable reason, it went away.

on occassion it returns - mildly so.

but as my students say, "i feel ya." (is this exclusively US slang?)

thinking of you and yours.
bird